Beige underwear may be entirely "appropriate " for certain outfits, but it wont ever make you feel cute.
Never miss an opportunity when alone in a room with a tea cosy.. to try it on. Thankyou Billy Connelly.
Butter really does taste better.
NOTHING can hide the smell of cigarette smoke on your breath. ESPECIALLY not from your Mother.
Toads are evil and will suck the life blood from you , simply by being near them. Much like clowns, people who attend Pro- life rallies.. and Carob.
Artificial sweetener= weird tasting "sugar-style" chemical that leaves a bitter aftertaste both physically and mentally. Use only real sugar or learn to live without it.
Your ipod cord WILL tangle no matter how carefully you put it away. So will your adulterous affairs.
The Beatles, David Bowie and the Rolling Stones are rock stars. Guy Sebastian isnt.
Fake tans are rarely successful especially around your feet, elbows and knees. Orange is not a natural colour unless you are an oompa loompa.
Oompa loompas are not fashion icons. Neither is Linsday Lohan***.
Aging beautifully = Meryl Streep, Isabella Rosselini, Helen Mirren, George Clooney, Sean Connery.
Aging like they lost a bet= Kenny Rogers, Paul Hogan, Hunter Tylo, Liza Minelli, ***Lindsey Lohan.
It pays to be suspicious of :
*long lost relatives who want to tell you about " an amazing opportunity".
* long lost "friends" and relatives who arrive/get in contact after you lose a parent/possible benefactor.
* door to door salespeople of any kind: art, donations, religion.
* anyone who is more than happy to carry on intimate conversations with kids.. but cant look an adult in the eye.
* nylon underwear.
* rug sales.
* wobbly food.
* overly friendly in-laws.