Pink clinkers are the best.

A dry just bathed dog will stay non-stinkified for approx 5 mins. After that they just smell like dog again. Get in quick for those close up cuddles.

A glass of wine at five pm on a Saturday afternoon can be perfection. A glass of wine instead of breakfast is a problem.

Coffee tastes yuck when you have just brushed your teeth.

Just because you drag a HUGE dog turd into your new boyfriend/girlfriend's car on the first date , it doesnt mean you cant end up in a long term relationship.

DO go to your school reunion.. especially if you struggled socially at school, and you are now very comfortable in your own body/mind. We will bet there are many "populars" there who are now neither.

Some people will never "get" you. This is perfectly reasonable.. as more than likely you wont "get" them either.

Underwear is good for ONE wearing before washing. ONE.

Wear pyjamas that make you feel good. THEY are the most "sexy".

Swim naked outside at least once in your life. Preferably at night, in seclusion. NOT at the local pool on a saturday afternoon.

Dont accept bets that require you to streak, drink lots of alcohol, or eat offal if you lose.  You WILL lose.

A watched pot will boil eventually, but in the meantime, go fold up your clothes and put them away. THEN when the pot has boiled,  make your mother a cup of tea.

Champagne must be drunk when  VERY cold, and very expensive.

You may take up smoking. When you are 80 years old, and then only cigars.

Do not be a food or wine snob. If it tastes good to you , that is all that matters. A $2.00 cleanskin is fabulous if shared with wonderful people.

Food always tastes better when cooked outdoors, by someone other than yourself.

The best way to grow beautiful orchids is to buy one, and ignore it. Sadly the same can not be said  for children or pets.

Shit will stink. Yours included.

if you have more than one clock in your home.. they will each say a different time.